In 2023, Jackie Coté had just been diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer. Feeling shocked and overwhelmed, she and her friend Nancy Gill, who accompanied Coté to her appointment, silently made their way to the front desk to schedule Coté’s weekly chemotherapy. As Coté entered the appointments into her phone calendar, Gill did the same in hers.
As they left the clinic, the silence was broken when Coté asked Gill why she put the appointments in her calendar. Gill responded, “This is what I can do to help my friend.”
Since then, Gill has accompanied Coté — who lives in Lakeville, Massachusetts — to nearly every appointment at Dana-Farber – Chestnut Hill: first through three months of weekly chemotherapy, and later, as the cancer stabilized, for monthly follow-up visits.
“As a support person, I’m there to make it easier for Jackie,” says Gill, 67, of East Bridgewater, Massachusetts. “If I had to go through cancer alone, I cannot imagine what that would be like. Dana-Farber understands and values my role as her support person.”
At Dana-Farber, caregivers are recognized as essential members of the care team. Whether they are family, friends, or neighbors, all support persons are welcomed and included in the care experience.
“My doctors and nurses always include Nancy,” says Coté. “Not only am I respected as a patient, but Nancy is also respected as my friend who’s there with me for support. They treat her just as well as I’m being treated — and that’s a big deal.”
Support from the start
Coté and Gill met in the mid-80s, but life took them in different directions as they each married, started their careers, and moved to different states. In 2021, Coté, whose wife, Dee, had died from ovarian cancer in 2017, wrote Gill a letter, asking if she’d like to reconnect. The letter was followed by a five-hour phone call with Coté, Gill, and Gill’s wife, Marcelle, reminiscing about their younger days as if no time had passed.
Five years later, in 2022, Coté went to her nurse practitioner (NP) for persistent low back and hip pain. The relief between regular chiropractic adjustments and steroid injections got shorter and shorter until one day, Coté felt a lump under her right breast. An X-ray at a local hospital showed bony fragments under her right shoulder blade and on one of her lower right ribs.
“At that point, it was found to be metastatic breast cancer — and the chase was on,” recalls Coté.
This was not Coté’s first experience with cancer, but this time, she was the patient instead of the caregiver. “My wife had breast and ovarian cancer, and I saw how much chemotherapy affected her,” she recalls. “I wanted to go somewhere where all they focused on is cancer care, and I knew that place was Dana-Farber.”
When friends are family
From the moment Coté walked through Dana-Farber’s doors, Gill has been by her side. As members of the LGBTQ+ community, Gill and Coté consider each other chosen family, offering unconditional support and acceptance, even without a biological connection.
“Family isn’t always blood,” explains Amy Iapicca, RN, Coté’s nurse at Dana-Farber – Chestnut Hill. “Whenever I meet a caregiver or support person, I never presume who that person is in relation to the patient. Instead, I ask, ‘Who’s here with you today?’”
Dana-Farber is in a unique position to care for LGBTQ+ patients, with a steadfast commitment to provide compassionate and high-quality care to all patients baked into the mission.
“At Dana-Farber, I’m free to be who I am openly,” says Coté. “I know that I matter — no matter what. I matter mentally, physically, and medically, and my care team goes above and beyond to make that known.”
A crucial role as caregiver
Dana-Farber’s policies also recognize and welcome chosen family — like Gill and Coté — as caregivers and support persons. At the check-in desk, staff greet Coté as well as Gill by name. On the infusion floor, the care team ensures Gill is included in every conversation, whether it’s a casual chat or a more serious discussion.
“There are countless reasons why caregivers are important during appointments and in a patient’s everyday life — from support and friendship to comfort and strength,” says Adrienne Waks, MD, associate director of Breast Oncology Clinical Research and Coté’s oncologist. “Nancy has an innate understanding of her role with Jackie. Nancy will jump in to celebrate — such as when scans look good — and provide support when there’s uncertainty. She knows how to strike that delicate balance of when to engage versus when to step back.”
Caregivers often serve as an extra set of ears during appointments. Gill values her role and believes that the more she knows, the better she can support Coté. Dana-Farber’s care team affirms this by including Gill in every conversation.
“When I come to Dana-Farber, I expect to be — and I am — treated with the dignity and respect that all individuals deserve,” adds Gill. “If the world could run like Dana-Farber, we’d have no problems — just human beings helping one another.”
The support and unconditional love between the two friends extend both ways. “From the beginning, Nancy has been there for me,” says Coté. “I think she knows that if she was in my situation, I’d be there for her too.”